Epistemological failure

I knew not.

I knew not that I hurt you. I knew not that I even mattered enough that I could hurt you.

I saw that you were a marble statue that I foolishly fell in love with. I lashed out furiously - hurling hard words in an attempt to crack the cold, hard exterior that surrounded you. But I was wrong. What I saw was the unmoving demeanour of a man who learned that inaction yields no pain, that indifference was better than concern. What I saw was a disguise, a camouflage to survive the cold, hard world that is all you have ever known. What I saw was an armor to protect yourself against harsh surroundings.

I saw that your heart was stone, and so I believed that it could never beat for me. But I was wrong. What I really saw was a heart so pale because it has been bled dry by those whom you trusted it with. What I really saw was a heart beating so feebly that I mistook it as lifeless.

I heard cunning deceit in your words, but I was wrong. What I heard were the careful words of a man who learned that uttered words remain etched in the mind longer than if it were carved on stone. What I heard was a staunch unwillingness to become vulnerable and an immobilising fear of exposing one's soul.

I saw the steps you took were those of a thief, taken so carefully in order to steal for selfish gains. But I was wrong. What I really saw were the steps taken by a man who was walking on glass, afraid to fall into the dark and unknown underneath.

Forgive me.

I wish that I could clothe you with warm garments spun with love, decorated with the tapestry of life.

I wish that I could revive your ailing heart, and make it beat strongly again.

I wish that I could inspire you to sing both songs of joy and songs of lamentation, and do away with equivocations.

I wish that I could teach you to stride with confidence once again, secure in the thought that I shall be there waiting to catch you when you fall.

I wish that you would be the solution to my epistemological failure.

This article is dedicated to my favourite Christmas carol.